Sunday, August 2, 2015


Sometimes autism is a huge powerful rain storm and sometimes it is a sprinkle. Sometimes autism is a beautiful sunny day and sometimes it is cloudy day with violet storms all day long. In the real world we have forcasters that can predict our weather. Unfortunately, with autism we do not even have a hourly forecast let alone 10 day forecast. We can only predict it minute by minute which makes doing anything really hard.

This past Friday, I had a fantastic day with Andrew. He had been asking me to take him the Children's Museum ever since we went back in May. I have put it of all summer long until Friday. We went and he had a great time overall. After one hour we left because it was too noisy for him. Andrew is extremely more sensitive to noise than Trenton.
Here are a few pictures from the museum.

Later in the day we went to see some geese per his request:)

As you saw on my previous post, Trenton had a sleepless night. As I was saying in the beginning of this post, you can't predict anything with autism. He had slept great for the past two weeks and then he has a really bad night. Our day started at 12:45 AM on Friday morning. By 12:45 PM, I felt like I had been beat with a stick.
Even though I was tired, I took the boys to Wood River to see some family. Daddy took the dad off of work so it was a good opportunity to spend time with the Conrad family. It had been a very long time since the boys and I have been there. We have not been able to travel anywhere the past two years. Traveling on the road to and from therapies was enough of a struggle. However, the boys are in a period where they are traveling good, Trenton's medicine seems to be helping him and he is overall in a really good phase. Therefore, it was all adding up for the first time in a long time to travel to Wood River.
It was the first time in months that the four of us rode in the same car together. Actually, it was the first time since we have moved to Terre Haute. Wow...all I can say is that it is amazing in the difference when there is two people in the vehicle with the boys. It was fantastic to just drive while Daddy changed the dvds, handed them a snack, etc. When I travel alone and even to therapies, the longer the boys go without getting their "needs" at that moment met, the more likely I am going to have to put up with a huge car fight or tantrum in a moving vehicle. The only hiccup to the travel over was Andrew's nerves. He got himself so worked up going to a new place that he vomited. I truly do believe that Andrew has more nerve and anxiety problems than we realize. The entire car ride he said off and on, "Turn around. I don't want to go."

We spent most of the day at Grandma and Grandpas house with just Grandpa and cousin, Matthew. The house was quiet with no new people so it was perfect for the boys. Trenton is getting to the age where he likes to go to different houses as long as there is not a lot of people there. The same goes for Andrew, he gets more nervous and has anxiety problems with the more people and noise around him.

Later in the day, Grandma and Aunt Liz got home and then we went to cousin, C.J's birthday party.
I am beyond proud of how well Trenton did the whole day. It was perfect to spend most of the day in a quiet house with only two other family members. It really made a huge impact on Trenton's behavior. Trenton continued to do well at the birthday party. He spent most of the time in the pool with Mommy. The pool was a really big pool so it was much harder for him to get out and in all the time which is what he likes to do with smaller pools. Plus, it was a private pool party so there was only approximately 5-6 other people in a huge pool. The whole day just had the right ingredients for Trenton. I am super proud of him!

Then, today was a different story. It is beyond frustrating how things can quickly turn. Trenton and Andrew were doing great until we got to church. Trenton saw something that he wanted and got very mad when he couldn't get it. He cried and had a huge tantrum while church was going on. He hit our family helper, Amanda, in the face. Thank goodness the lady in the pew in front of us gave Trenton a book that captivated his attention for awhile. While Trenton's mood was terrible, Andrew kept telling people he didn't like them and to stop looking at him. Andrew refused to go to children's church and he refused to go up front with the rest of the kids during kid time up front. He told me he was tired of being around people.

Do I know what caused Andrew's behavior today? Yes and no!
It maybe because he had a big day the day before. Andrew loves "new" things. The church that we attend is not so new to us anymore.  Andrew's anxiety problems are getting worse. Therefore, the newness has worn off with a mixture of anxiety and it makes him refuse to go to children's church. Andrew can handle being around people on some days and some days he can't. He normally wants to be alone and has more issues after being around a lot of people . We were around a lot of people yesterday and he isn't as familiar with them as he is Mommy's side of the family. With that said, I believe that is why we had a great day on Saturday and a not so fun day on Sunday. I hate to think what it would have been like if the boys behaved in Wood River like they did today at church. That would have been one brutal 3 hour drive home.

Like I said, it is beyond frustrating when you never know when or how your day can go from great to bad and it turns rather quickly when it does!

Mommy got to play with Matthew. We had fun together!

 Silly Aunt Chris

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Moon = sleepless night

Trenton WAS in a really good sleep pattern.  When he sleeps, I feel like I have won the lottery! Then, when he has a total sleepless night much like tonight, I can't even explain what I feel. I was scared tonight because of the full moon anyway. It is almost a guarantee....much more like 75% of the time during a full moon, he is up all night. I fear the moon to say the least.

I agree and disagree with this. Plenty of sleep is so rare that yes I do remember which nights it happens. On the other hand, I can tell some crazy, bizarre stories from all of my sleepless nights so I remember them quite well too. At night time is when the wild behaviors of autism happens at its craziest.

Thursday, July 30, 2015


I feel like I can do a happy dance every day!!! Trenton is sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is the best phase in is life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Final Swim Lesson

Andrew had his final swim lesson yesterday! I am very proud of him. When we started swim lessons 8 weeks ago, he was afraid of water. Now, he is not afraid of water at all and loves to do his kicks. I have really enjoyed watching his swim lessons every Wednesday this summer. I feel so blessed that I have been able to take part in them. We had a really good swim coach this summer. I am sure we will do it again next summer:)

Hebrews 11:1
11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Advocating Video

I had a great day!!! Here is my video explaining why I had a great day:)

Harsha Cognitive Center

It is crazy to think that it has been almost one year since the boys started attending Harsha Cognitive Center. Wow! Where does the time go?!?!?  Thinking back, I can't believe that I drove to Terre Haute two days a week and stayed in a hotel one night a week from August-December before we moved. So much happened in that time. I just can't believe time goes so fast.

I am so grateful that the good Lord led us to Harsha. Each and every person that works there means so much to me and my boys. It is so comforting knowing that when I drop the boys off, they are in good hands:) Thank you Harsha Cognitive Center for everything that you do for my boys and all the other children and young adults with autism.

A few pictures from this week! I love seeing all the smiles:)

Monday, July 27, 2015

Troubled Times

There is nothing that hurts worse than seeing your child hurting. Andrew's eyes can speak a thousand words. Yes, Andrew can talk and he talks a lot but his strongest voice is his eyes.
Yesterday, when we were leaving Flora, Andrew had the saddest look in his eyes that I have ever seen. I have seen him cry multiple times because he got hurt or was mad at Trenton but nothing spoke stronger than what I saw yesterday from him. He had the saddest look that I have ever seen.
"No Mommy. I don't want to leave. I want to live in Flora." he cried over and over in the van as we were leaving. "Mommy I want to stay in Flora. I want to stay at Nanas house. No Terre Haute!"
The cries and the look in his eyes are still eating at me today. Unfortunately, that is not the only thing eating at me, its what I had to go through dropping him off this morning at Harsha.

Andrew starts worrying the night before when he knows he has Harsha the next morning. We battle through it at night and when morning comes he says, "Don't make me go to Harsha Mommy. I want to stay home with you."

He chews on his nails during the entire car ride to Harsha. This morning he screamed and refused to go in. Therefore, I took Trenton in first. After Trenton's coach got him, I went out to the van to try to help Andrew's coach get him out of the van. The look he had in his eyes, pulled at every heart string that I have. His anxiety was high and he could not bring himself to go in Harsha. We tried everything that we could. I finally carried him in crying and left him crying and hollering my name.

 Out I walked holding back my tears. I know every parent goes through this at one time or another with their children. However, it is knowing the problems that my boys have makes it worse. It eats at me all day long. Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much but if I didn't how would I be able to help my boys? I sure wouldn't be able to help them as much as I do now.

To make matters worse, Trenton has had a rough few days with controlling his anger. The past three days he is back to hitting me, jumping in the air and landing on his knees while making his upset noises. Then he gets up and hits me again. Also, he runs and hits at me while running into me. It has been one month since he has had this behavior and it has been back the past few days.

It is truly amazing how if I just take one behavior away, such as Trenton's meltdowns, how much smoother our days can go. It is astonishing how much easier things are when Trenton has good behavior without any meltdown or tantrums. ABSOLUTEY AMAZING!!!!
I can't express the feeling that I get when I know the behavior is back. My stomach does flips and flops and it is instant frustration deep inside me because just that one trait of autism makes a world of difference in our days.

However, I am so thankful for the days when he does not display the unruly behavior. I am lucky to have breaks from it where he does not display it. I am sure there are people out whose child with autism has that behavior every single day. So yes, I can find the good in the is what I do!

As of right now, both boys are in bed and I am so thankful for this quiet time. Every time I get to sit and do a post in peace and quiet, it is a true blessing and miracle....especially how rough our last few days have been.....especially since I was not able to even take a five minute break today because the house was pure disgusting and needed some major cleaning. The little time that I get to do cleaning lately has been spent on trying to put a protectant on our fence. ( I am not able to clean, cook, or do ANYTHING when the boys are around or awake. Andrew is attached to my hip and Trenton always needs something.) So my time is precious and every single second counts. 

While I was working today and thinking about how rough the past few days have been, I really thought how nice it would be to be able to de-stress with my spouse. If I could change anything about my life it would not be the boys, it would be my marriage. Sadly, my spouse and I have went down two different roads since our journey of special needs started. We fall in the 80% category where the marriage falls apart. I went down the road of being actively involved with the boys and their special needs and my husband went down the road that separated himself from their special needs. I refrain from talking about that part of my life on this blog out of respect to some people. However, I can't help but spend time in deep thought of how easier our life could be if my husband still believed in God like I do and believed in his plan. I say it that way because if we believe then we "do the work" and there is much work to be done with our type of life. There is good and things to be thankful in every situation. Even the past few days with how awful they have been, there has been good.