My professor explained that this is the last option when there is nothing else left to do.
Residential Treatment.....The "R" word that really hurts.
As I sat there listening about residential treatments, my heart broke for all the parents who faced that decision. I never once judged the parent. Instead, I thought of the heartache and how horrible that had to be for the parents who had to face that in their life.
Little did I know then, my heart was breaking for parents like myself...…
"He will always live with me."
"I will do what I have to do to make sure he always lives with me."
"I won't place him in a group home."
These are statements I have said since I found out Trenton's autism was severe. Since the day I realized he will never be independent, my mindset was on making sure he got what he needed now to make sure he would be stable enough to live with me.
I use to drive two hours a day, stay in a hotel overnight just so my son could get therapy.
I moved to a different state...a state that provided so much more....just so my son had a chance of living with me and not a group home.
Trenton has made progress in many areas except for one. his behavior. Instead of making progress, as he gets older, he has regressed.
He is eight years old and can truly hurt me before I know it.
He bites, scratches, kicks, hits, and attacks himself and others. He has hurt others.
He head bangs. He elopes. He destroys and breaks anything he can. He has ran his hands through a glass window...not once...not twice...but three times!
I knew in my heart last spring, that we were head down a road that I didn't want.
I have cried to the point that I have no tears left.
Residential treatment was first mentioned last spring....that is when this started to become more real.
In fours months, he has had two inpatient stays in a behavioral hospital.
The school has exhausted all of their resources. Trenton will no longer be going to school as soon as paperwork is done.
Residential treatment was recommended.
It is recommended from everyone.....
This Momma's heart will never be the same.
I have worked so hard to make him the best he can be. I have changed my life...literally to help him. I would take a bullet for him. I would die for him. I would do anything for him and his brother. My children come first and always will.
I don't look at residential treatment as a failure. I look at it as another option.
Sadly, some individuals with special needs are so severe that they need the around the clock care.
It has become unsafe to keep him home without help. If I was married, then maybe he could stay home but when it is just a single mom, it is hard. It's not because I don't want to. I want nothing else in this life than to take care of my own son till the day I die....but when he is very mentally ill and has no control of his strength and behavior...what I want doesn't matter anymore. It becomes a huge safety issue.
Some days I feel like I am living in a nightmare and can't wake up.
How could this happen to my child? It is suppose to happen to others, not me....not my little boy that I gave birth to....not my little boy that use to smile and dance to Sesame Street....
not my little boy that spelled his first words at 2.5 years old....not my little boy that I love more than life itself. How could my little boy have autism and DMDD so severe that it has taken over his life?!?
I swore by my statement of keeping him home for life. I had already started making plans for that.....but slowly as he regressed....our plans were changing before I knew it.
For now, I am keeping him home. I will keep him home as long as I can!! I will pray every day for a miracle. I will pray that my son's body and mind will change for the good over time.
I will not give up hope! I have to hold on to hope.....because hope is all I have left to hold on to.
I HOPE AND PRAY THAT TOGETHER TRENTON AND I CAN OVERCOME RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT AND BLOW EVERYONE AWAY WITH OUR HUGE TURNAROUND!! ITS ABOUT TIME WE SEE A MIRACLE COME OUR WAY!
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