Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Happy Video

A link to a short video of Trenton's happy noises and giggles! It makes my heart so happy when he is like this!


The Questions

Are you the parent of a non-verbal child? Maybe the parent of a child who can only say a few words? I just want you to know, I understand you! I understand the questions, thoughts, and emotions that you have. It goes far beyond our child not being able to tell us what they want....WAY BEYOND THAT!

I wonder if he has a headache? Does he feel dizzy when he is sick? Is he queasy today?
Does he have body aches when he is sick?
Does his throat hurt? Does his ear hurt?
Does he have water in his ear after swimming?

When he is on medicine, I'm suppose to watch for side effects....How can I do that?!?! He can't tell me he has blurry vision, dizziness, upset tummy, etc.

Do you ever have an itch that you can't reach? Don't we all? Trenton can't tell me to help him with that.

I wonder if he is saying, "I love you too, mom." in his head after I say it to him?

I wonder what he dreams about? He can' t tell me if he does. I wonder if he has bad dreams and wants to tell me about them? Does he know a dream from reality?

Can he see okay? I wonder if his eyes are good or does he see things blurry? No one has been able to do an eye exam on him.

On the days that he is at home all day, I wonder if he ever wonders if he can go to Nana's house. I wonder if he wants to go to the park? Zoo?

I wonder what juice is his favorite? What kind of cake does he like best? White? Chocolate?
I wonder what his favorite episode of Sesame Street is? Will he ever be able to tell me?

What's his favorite color? Do certain people annoy him? Does he have a favorite therapist?  I wonder if I am annoying him in the van while I am singing out loud?

I wonder how long he has been holding his urine? I often find myself wondering after I notice his potty dance when we are out in public?

Often times you ask the people in your vehicle if they are warm or cold. I wonder if he is cool enough? I often ask myself in the summer time. I wonder if he is warm enough now?, I ask myself in the winter?

He loves animals! I wonder what his favorite animal is?

Does he wish he had friends? I wonder if he likes someone at school or at Harsha Autism Center and want to have them over? I know he doesn't play with other kids but deep down I know he likes to be around them.

Does he know he is different? Does he wonder what it is like to be me?

I find myself sad on some days. I know he wants to talk but can't. I long for the day for him to walk up to me spontaneously telling me that I am the best mom ever!! Doesn't every mom want to hear that from their child?!

He can't me he doesn't feel good....or that he just simply feels BLAH!
He can't me those type of things! Will he ever? Or will he forever live trapped in a body?

Monday, September 18, 2017


This is T-man this morning. He fell asleep ten minutes before the bus comes. I was begging and praying for him to go back to sleep at 3,4,5 AM but he couldn't. Instead he ran circles around my house, squealing, and doing his thing non-stop at 100 mph. He doesn't stay put in one spot for more than 2 minutes. IT IS EXHAUSTING BECAUSE HE IS 24/7 CARE AND HAS TO BE WATCHED ALL THE TIME! When he moves from room to room every two minutes at 3 AM.....IT"S NOT FUN!
Autism is a struggle folks! ONE. BIG. STRUGGLE.
His sleep challenges are NOTHING like they used to be so I will take what he does now in a heartbeat over what we have been through. However, I live my life in fear every single day and night because I am so afraid he will go back to literally not sleeping at all. Right now, he wakes up for the day any time between 2 and 330 AM and we are up for the day. UGH! I hope this will pass soon.

I never know what each day will bring with severe autism. NEVER KNOW! I just live for the day and take what it brings and hope and pray for a better day the next day.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

What Would Jesus Do?

John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends

I am left in goosebumps every time I think about Jesus dying for me....for you....for all of us! The above verse is a very inspirational verse....there is nothing that can describe a love so strong that you would die for that person....that you would give up your life! Amazing!

I don't know if I will ever give up my life for anyone. I guess we will have to see how life plays out for me. I have most definitely died to my Earthly life that I dreamed about.  I have died to a life of ever making a choice for myself.  God blessed me with a little boy who has autism so severe that if I want him to be the best he can be in his life, I have to make every choice for him...not me!

I was scared to death when I picked up and moved to Indiana with the boys. I didn't know one soul! I was by myself. I wanted so badly to stay in Illinois where my life was. Our only family and friends were there. But, God made it possible for me to move to Indiana to give Trenton what he can't get in Illinois. So I did it! I died to the life I wanted.

What would Jesus do if he were me? Would he stay or would he go the land that would help his child? Jesus makes it clear in the Bible what he would have done and that is exactly what I did.

Various prophets in the Bible are called to go to places. Most of them were scared and had no idea what God was doing for them. God called and told me, through other people, to pick up and go to Indiana. I still don't know why God has done the things in my life he has done. I probably won't ever find out. But, it is what it is. We are called to live our life for God and to live like Jesus. He gives us our life but leaves us with our own free will in order to find out our true character and heart.

Some people are given more obvious trials in their life such as autism. Other people are given lesser trials. However, we are all placed with situations in our life that God uses as a test. A test of our character to see if we really have Him living in us. Some peoples test are more direct, such as their child or a loved one. Others test are more indirect. It could be a stranger that crosses your path, a neighbor from down the street, an acquaintance, etc. In one way or the other, we all face circumstances that define our character and who we really are.

If Jesus living in you? Are you making your free will choices in life to please him? Is your choice what Jesus would do?

Saturday, September 9, 2017


He normally takes some items with him. However, he wanted his big zebra on Friday.

T-man on Google

I went to google something the other day. I guess Trenton had just been on Google earlier. LOL!!! At least he wrote my name in there:)