Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Canned Fruit & Pie Filling

When he is not running around the house going crazy and climbing on things, he is normally placing items around him. It's his way of putting boundaries around himself. Today he placed canned fruit around him. And yes he has a dress on over his pajamas. Trenton insisted on wearing a dress today over his clothes and his pajamas.

Andrew helped Mommy make some sweets today! He was such a good little helper until.....

 he discovered he liked to eat the pie filling:)

Love you boys bunches!

It's that time of year again!

It's that time of year again where many families are gathering together and enjoying the holidays care free. That was me at one time. At one time I looked forward to the holidays like one should. I was excited to spend the day with family playing cards, eating all day....literally eating all day long. I looked forward to seeing cousins and many of the other family members that I saw such few times of the year. I looked forward to preparing that one dish that everyone might ooh and aah over. I looked forward to cooking with my family members, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade, watching football, and relaxing.

But now, its an entirely different story. I dread the holidays. I do. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed them.  I'm not being a "Debbie Downer", its just the way it is. For Pete's sake, I have a house with no furniture because my child with severe autism does nothing but climb on everything in sight, throw items, jumps from this to that, swings from the curtains and blinds, walk on my cabinets, lay on top of my stove, sit in my kitchen sink, and anything else that he can think of. On top of severe autism, we have mild autism which is a far cry from severe but we still have to watch Andrew like crazy as well. He does have autism and has all of the tendencies Trenton has. Needless to say, going anywhere for the holidays are stressful and can't be done. It's one thing to do it to my house but another house is different.

If we go to a holiday gathering I can't relax and talk. I'm the one that is chasing him and pulling him down from top of the counter. I'm the one picking up broken items that he just broke or picking up the pieces to items that he is taking off the wall. I'm the one who says, "sorry" upteenth thousand times for his behavior. Before I know it, he is fussing and having sensory overload that totally messes his system up for the rest of the day. Therefore, we would have to leave within minutes of just arriving and all we did was make a huge disaster in a house, talked to no one, and just added that much more stress to my stress load.
Doesn't sound like fun, right? It's not. Take my word for it.....and I am a person who can manage a lot in life but autism and holidays are NOT fun.

I do hope and pray that one day the holidays will be better. Although, they will never be the "ideal" holiday that you can find on a Hallmark movie.They will never be what they used to be. The "use to be" holidays were holidays before autism....before a life changing disorder entered my world. And as much as I crave to have a relaxing holiday, I can't help but be haunted by the one question. Did I really appreciate the life I had before autism? Ok...maybe two questions. Was I truly thankful for my healthy, good life before autism? Don't get me wrong, I know I was. I have no doubt I was but when your life is forever changed there is a much deeper thankfulness that you learn to have. A much deeper appreciation for things. It is so deep and powerful it is hard to explain other than the fact that you just have to live it to understand and appreciate it.

I hope each and everyone of you have a Happy Thanksgiving!! I truly mean that. Please be thankful for what you have and count your blessings because it can change before you know it!

Ephesians 5:20 “giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Monday, November 24, 2014


If you click on the first link you will see a short video of Trenton on a very calm night doing some night time pacing. He does this for hours...and I mean hours before he can fall asleep

If you click on the next video, you will see a very short clip of Trenton getting mad because he can't fall asleep. This is on a calm night as well. On the very bad nights, I can't grab the camera because I am trying to help Trenton.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sleeping with objects

Andrew gets very attached to objects each day. I never know what his object will be from day to day. Whatever the object is that day, he has to sleep with it. The past few days it has been Minnie Mouse. Tonight, its his Cars doorknob holder and his Cars glove...

Friday, November 21, 2014

This Morning

I started my morning today like I wish I could every morning. I always have my alarm set from anywhere between 4:30-5:00 AM in hopes that both boys are sleeping and I can have some quiet time to myself before the storm arrives. Its a guarantee that no matter what happened through the night, one of them is up no later than 5:30 AM. During that hour that I hope to have, it is normally spent putting on my makeup, doing my hair, and getting breakfast prepared for the boys.

Today, I had the kind of morning that I am talking about! It felt amazing. Too often than none, I don't get the opportunity to have mornings like this because someone is already up.  I felt so at ease making our normal breakfast which consist of scrambled eggs with melted cheese on top, toast, yogurt, and decaf coffee for Mommy. The house was quiet, the coffee smelled good, and my two precious boys were sleeping peacefully in their beds.  I love when they are asleep early in the mornings. I love looking at their precious bodies sleeping so soundly. I often wonder what they are dreaming of. Does Trenton ever dream that he can talk? Does he ever dream that he has a body like ours?

During this time I feel like a normal mom!!! Two boys in bed while I make breakfast in peace. I'm not trying to pull Trenton off the stove or the countertops. I'm not running to stop a fight or to stop Trenton from smearing feces everywhere. I am just a normal mom during this time....making breakfast without autism.

Andrew woke up this morning before Trenton. I soon heard the oh so cute voice that he has saying, "Mommy. Mommy". I open his door and he immediately wanted in my arms. We went to the living room and rocked and cuddled. Mommy gave him lots and lots of kisses. We soon sat down at the table and enjoyed our breakfast together. While we were eating my emotions got the best of me and Mommy was in tears. I would say there were good and bad tears. Tears of joy because I love being a mother and having mornings like I did today. However, I know they were also tears of sadness because I hurt for my boys and our family that could have been.

I take great pride in my role as a mother. I love it!! It's the best gift that God gave women!! I wish I could do it many more times but I know that is not possible.

As I sat and enjoyed my time with Andrew this morning, I couldn't help but notice how he is just so big. I'm not sure what happened to my baby. Trenton grew up a lot from 3-4 so I know this is the last year of any bit of baby look that Andrew has left. It will be gone soon and it makes me sad.

Each and every day God gives us together is a true blessing!! Motherhood is a blessing even with autism!!! God is good!

My breakfast date this morning with Minnie Mouse, and Pluto sitting next to him:)

Wednesday, November 19, 2014


We had another successful two day trip to Terre Haute on Monday and Tuesday! The boys worked hard and met a lot of their targets. On a night where I am not so tired, I will share a few things from their progress reports. (the nights have been rough lately.)

For now, here are a few pictures from Harsha on Monday and Tuesday.

Trenton did a great job working with his coach in the kitchen area!

He makes one cute little cook if you ask me!


Andrew enjoying the trampoline!

Andrew was asleep within seconds of leaving Harsha on Tuesday. He fell asleep while eating his snack.

He was one tired boy...but we all were...Trenton had us up for the day at 3 AM in the hotel!