Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Wild Behavior

We had an overnight guest on Saturday night. Chloe, my parents dog, stayed the night with us. Chloe saw things that she had never seen before nor even thought was possible. If dogs could talk she would tell you how exceptional and different the Conrad household is. For instance, Trenton went to bed at eight o'clock that night. I was elated that I actually had time to take a shower, check my email, and start picking up the house before ten or eleven o'clock at night. It felt so good to do those tasks and crawl in bed at a decent time and then BAM! Trenton is up....and the rest is down hill.....

Trenton is wild......WILD...UNCONTROLLABLE from ten thirty to almost 4 in the morning. Andrew wakes up crying at 11. I have both boys awake in the night at the same time  for two and a half hours. At one point I looked at the clock and it was midnight and I was just fighting back tears. FIGHTING BACK TEARS!!! Trenton's sleep overall is vile lately. His behavior is declining and keeps getting worse. I was beyond stressed and sleep deprived and both boys are non-stop moving. Have you ever seen a class of Kindergarten children who are all excited? Well if you haven't...the noise level is unbearable....a class full of children playing with excitement can be very loud. My two boys were making enough noise for twenty Kindergarten children. Nothing I could do was calming to them or making them stop.
Andrew fell asleep around 2:30, Trenton at 3:50, and Mommy at 3:51.

Chloe was a good girl through it all. I am sure if you asked her if she would want to stay the night again, she would say NO.

Trenton has made such huge gains lately with the ability to say, "I want_______". However, his behavior is declining. Autism is like take two steps forward but those steps forward are always associated with ten steps back.

When I say I can't take my eyes off of him that is NOT an exaggeration. I don't have to explain again how wild he can be and what he does when he is wild. I just spoke about that a few posts ago. However, on Sunday he was doing all of those wild behaviors and more. What I am trying to say is this.....Trenton wants eggs. I make him scrambled eggs and try to get him to sit in his chair. He doesn't want in his chair. I place his plate of eggs on the table. I make Trenton sit down. I hear Andrew crying so I go and check on him. I help Andrew who was in his bedroom. I walk back out in my kitchen and living room area to find Trenton jumping on my couch smearing scrambled eggs all over his face and body.  I HAVE SCRAMBLED EGGS EVERYWHERE!! I get Trenton off the couch and start picking up the mess. Trenton runs into the kitchen and starts climbing up the fridge. I run in the kitchen and get him out of the fridge. He knocks cereal boxes off the top of the fridge. I pick up the cereal boxes. I walk back in the living room to find that he grabbed one box and dumped its contents all over my carpet. I start cleaning up the cereal mess while Trenton is grabbing hand fulls of cereal and throwing down my vents.  Now I have eggs and cereal all over my living room and down my vents. While I am trying to clean up the mess I hear the water running in the kitchen. I run in the kitchen to find Trenton standing in my kitchen sink with the water running. I get him down. He runs into the bathroom and does the same thing. All the while I have not even had time to see what Andrew is up to. Want to know what he was doing???? He had taken off his pants and clothes and pooped all over my carpet. Andrew was having a day yesterday where he did not want clothes on. When he has these days I have to fight him all day long....I mean ALL DAY LONG!  NEVER A DULL MOMENT OR JUST A SECOND TO CATCH MY BREATH!

That was just a very short ten minute period of what my whole Sunday was like. If you think that ten minutes sounds exhausting  and crazy...well...I should tell you about my whole day. It would send most people running in their tracks and never looking back.
It's been awhile since I have had to leave church early and yesterday was one of those days. Trenton was not manageable in church even.

 If you can picture everything in your house destroyed with food, toys, broken toys, clothes thrown all over house from dressers and closets, shoes thrown everywhere, etc...then that is my house. I am not sure why we even have toys for Trenton.  He does not play with them. Instead,  what is fun to him is simply making messes and stringing everything everywhere.

Here he is in the middle of his cereal mess. One of these days I will get the courage to take pictures of the destruction that two boys with autism can do to a house. As of right now, I am too embarrassed to take those photos and share.

Andrew fell asleep during one of his 4 wheeler rides this weekend with Pops. So precious!

Andrew loved riding in the very back of the van on the way to church on Sunday. He was singing, "Jesus Loves Me" with Pops.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Pictures from Harsha on Friday!

On Friday I received some pictures of Trenton at Harsha. He had a great week there as always!!

In the below picture he was showing his coach, Lindsay, a book and telling her what was on each page. Way to go Trenton!!!

Trenton and Lindsay having some fun!!

I love the way Trenton was looking at the camera in each picture!!

Friday, September 12, 2014


Trenton still has his shoe fetish right now.
Bless his heart...this is fun for him.

Dear Autism

Dear Autism,
(remind you I am talking to the most horrific disorder to man kind and not my boys. My boys are not autism.)
 I have been wanting to tell you a few things lately but time hasn't allowed me too. Nor have you really wanted me to. The things that would have flowed out of my mouth would have been nothing short of the most atrocious things that have ever heard.

I don't need to tell you how awful you have made my boys life do I? You already know. You are the master of sneaking into young toddlers and taking over their life. A toddler!?!?!?! Really? They are so young and innocent but you enter in like a thief in the night and leave the most precious children and their family with only the remains that you didn't want. I love everything that you left in both of my children. I wouldn't change them for the world but by gosh you have made their life and mine beyond hard. Its a kind of "hard" that only other autism families who have a child on the severe end know.

You made Trenton's life so extremely difficult this week. Why do you take away his ability to feel his body? WHY??? He has fought some huge, difficult battles the last few days because of you! He runs at full speed in hopes that the feeling in his legs will come back. His body has to be in constant movement because if it isn't he can't feel his floating body. I have watched him pace, run, fidget, and walk up and down the length of my house all week. Then the lack of feeling his body comes in full force and he takes off in a dead sprint running like a wild animal though my house tearing up and destroying everything in sight. He pulls himself up on our kitchen counter, pulls up on our stove, climbs into our fridge, runs across the kitchen table and jumps off and this repeats over and over and over for hours on end. I can't take my eyes off of him. Do you know that I tried for one hour today to put on my makeup. ONE HOUR!! It should have taken me 5 minutes. However, I was having to constantly run in the kitchen and pull him off the counter while turning the water facet off that he turned on in my kitchen.....I would walk to the bathroom and try it again and I would no longer step in to the bathroom and I would hear him on our computer stand jumping off.....or I would hear him tearing up my blinds in one of the rooms.....or I would hear water spilling all over the kitchen floor....or I would hear him pulling every item out of the closets and dumping it all over the house...or he would in the kitchen pantry getting everything out including cookies that he would just take and stomp on and crumble all over the house.....UGH!! I can't imagine having to move constantly like that in order to make my body feel normal. On top of trying to make his body feel normal he has been fighting off  that awful feeling in his whole entire body. He has just been trying to crawl out of his skin all week.  You sure do take a lot out of some little kids.

 One daily battle that is worse than any battle you can find in the history books is the Battle of Brushing Teeth. Due to the sensory problems you left Trenton he can't put a simple toothbrush in his mouth. If I want him to get the most basic brushing in, I have to lay on him and hold him down while he kicks, hits, screams, and cries until I stop. It doesn't stop then unfortunately.  Normally, he is left agitated for several minutes after...on some just simply puts him in an awful mood for the rest of the day

You not only steal a child's life......but you steal their whole life... and you steal a mother out of normal motherhood. I love being a mother more than anything.  The dream of living happily married in a white house with black shutters with a white picket fence didn't happen.  You know.....the picture perfect life that most Americans picture for themselves. I dreamed of being the mother who hosted family events......instead of dreading them because my severely autistic child destroys my house daily and is in no shape to host anyone.  I was going to be the mother who took her kids to sports events and practices...instead I take my kids to therapies...endless therapies. I was going to be the mother who had any and every friend that he wanted for a huge birthday party for him.....instead I will probably be having to beg every parent that I know with kids close to my children's age and pleading with them to bring their kids to my house for a party for my child. I was going to be the mom who had a tradition of eating out every Friday night where the kids wanted to.....instead we CAN"T eat out unless its in our van. As always, I could go on.

As being a former special education teacher, I totally believe in ending everything on a good note. With that said, if it wasn't for you Autism, I wouldn't cherish the beautiful sound of my children's voices when I hear them. They are so sweet and beautiful and nothing sounds better then their voice. Its few and far between when I hear Trenton's voice but when I do I am left speechless because its a beautiful sound. I am a lot more thankful for good mental and physical health then I ever would have been. I am appreciative beyond belief of the most basic simple things which are far too many to discuss. However, the simple things I am talking about is eye contact for a few seconds, a night with sleep, and a picture where I capture a smile!
Thank you Autism for what you left! I love everything about Trenton and Andrew. You sure do make our life much more difficult but  you sure didn't know what kind of Mom you were dealing with when you chose my boys! I am a fighter and we will gain back what you took from us!

A Warrior Mom

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


I had one of the best moments with Trenton today. We were outside playing when one of our cats, Dusty, came up to us. This is one of the best cats ever. She takes abuse from the boys and is always so calm and handles it great. She has not retaliated against the boys at all. Anyway, Trenton was trying to do what he always does and literally pick the cat up by his head. He also tries to pick Dusty up by his tail all the time. Dusty was as calm as a cucumber. I saved poor Dusty and showed Trenton how to hold  him and pet him. After a few minutes of this I placed Dusty in Trenton's arms. He looked at me with the biggest grin ever!! I almost never have my phone with me outside but for some reason today I did. I am sure glad I did because I got one of the best pictures of Trenton. He smiled and tried to say cheese!!!!!

He was so proud of himself for holding Dusty!!! I can't even begin to explain how awesome these pictures are! He hardly ever smiles for the camera!!!! God gave us a special moment today!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Sleeping Angels & I Want!!!

Little A fell asleep playing his Kindle last night when I was attending to Trenton's needs.

My sleeping angel.

The chair continues to be a huge hit with Trenton. He even sat in the chair perfectly still and ate his supper last night!!

Over the weekend Trenton did a Fantastic job using, "I want _______" It was awesome!
 I heard the following.....
 "I want napkin."
"I want juice."
" I want cheese puffs."
" I want pants."

It was sweet music to my ears! I pray it keeps up! His therapist have worked so hard the past year trying to get him to say it and he is making such huge gains lately in say, " I want". Thus, this also tells you how long it takes for poor Trenton to be able to accomplish anything. It is hard for him. He has done this before with other things such as saying "off" really good for awhile and then it left. I pray this sticks and continues. I have high hopes that it is sticking this time:).

Another sleeping angel.

Saturday, September 6, 2014


We got a lot of use out of our new chair today!! I can't thank the person enough! Trenton even sat in it and watched TV today for a short bit. Normally, he would have been pacing the living room while watching TV. He can't stop his body from moving but if he is helps him so much! The chair is a life savor and I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I got out the space saving highchair for Andrew and both boys did puzzles while they enjoyed a juice box!!