Who would have thought a string from a sock would have caused such a disastrous day in therapy. It does when you are dealing with autism. Trenton's first session of therapy was good in speech. However, after that it went downhill. Jessica walked him to Emily's OT room. She always has him take his shoes and socks off first. As he took his sock off on his left foot, there was a string attached to one of his toe nails. This set Trenton off. He could not handle a string attached to his toe nail. He was crying and kicking. They came and got me and I tried to help calm him down so he would quit kicking his foot so we could get the string off. He kept on shoving his blanket to his foot so he did not have to see the string. When he would see it, he kicked harder and screamed harder. After a few minutes, he stopped kicking and I finally got the string off.
Trenton was so distraught. Emily hurried immediately and tried to get his therapy swing set up because we could tell nothing was going to calm him down except for swinging. She set up his favorite swing, a hard wood square swing that he can be swung in slow circles. The second the swing was together, Trenton jumped in the swing on his tummy and relaxed while Emily pushed him. This is where Mommy had a breakdown too. I broke down in tears. I literally cried like a baby. Emily was so sweet and told me there was no way I was going back to the waiting room and I needed to grab some tissues and stay in the room. I did. As I cried in the corner, Emily said something that was so very true. She said, " There is so much grief during this whole ordeal with Trenton isn't there?" I cried shaking my head yes. She said, "Most people don't realize that. I do. I'm here for you just like I am for Trenton."
It was some built up grief that I had not let out in a long time but what got me the most today was seeing Trenton and how his body craved that sensory input in order to relax and cope after his shoe string situation. It was the look of fear during the shoe string situation. But most of all, it was the look of relaxation, the look of calmness, that a swing can bring him but just having Mommy there can't. There is no way I can describe the situation today to where anyone could understand it. It was indescribable to be honest. Autism is the devil! It stole Trenton. It made my child's body a living nightmare for him and me. How can something be so evil?
As I sat and watched him complete the last 15 minutes of his therapy session, I continued to cry. I cry as I sat and watch my child work SO hard for what should come natural. I watched as a therapist took a special brush and brushed his body. We have to take a special brush and brush his body as if you are brushing your hair. I watched as she rolled his body on some special kind of balls. His body needs that to live in this world. I watched as a therapist tried to get Trenton to engage with her. I watched as she tried to get him to understand the word "start" and "stop". Did it make sense to him?? I don't think it really did.At the end of the session, it was another huge dilemma just to get him to put on a sock again. He was afraid a string would attach itself to his toe.
We arrived home just in time for Alicia, our ABA therapist, to arrive. She walks in and ask how the morning went. I replied, " I can't talk about it because I have finally quit crying for the day." She took the hint and immediately started working with Trenton. After about 20 minutes, Trenton starts having a meltdown and wants his socks off. He takes his socks off and checks out his toe nails. He continues to have a meltdown. After about 20 minutes of a meltdown, we finally got him to relax in our swing. Once again, a swing does the trick but not Mommy.Therapy was cut short with her, he was not going to do anything today. She was amazing! She stuck by my side to help relax him, she talked to me about the stress of having a child with autism, and gave me lots of great information to help me along the way. Once again, Trenton has an amazing team he is working with.
I pray for a better tomorrow! It has to come, right???