Trenton made my heart bleed tonight. I was giving Andrew a bath and Trenton came in and stood by me. Trenton was looking off into the air and doing his thing he always does. One would think he was not paying attention, however I believe he was totally paying attention. Andrew was engaging nicely with me and we were laughing and singing. All of a sudden I hear Trenton crying. I turn and looked behind me and he had his big tears rolling down his face, a huge frown, his hands were held out in front of his face and he was crying hard. I quickly got Andrew out of the tub, dried him off, and put a diaper on him. I grabbed Trenton and he let me hold him for a minute. He continued to cry. He cried himself to sleep.
What in the word made him cry all of a sudden? I know. I am almost positive he had a "clear" moment and realized that Andrew and I were talking, singing, and laughing and he simply can't do any of that. I know the look he had on his face, I know that cry he had and it was a cry out of frustration. I immediately felt like complete crap! I felt guilty for enjoying a moment with Andrew, a moment that Trenton can not do. Trenton cried himself to sleep out of frustration. I have no idea what that must feel like. I feel guilty. He has a hard enough life as it is. I give my heart and soul to help him every day and make his life as comfortable as it can be. We have many moments of joy however we have many moments that make us drop to our knees crying, gasping for our breath.