Friday, December 13, 2013

Rough Patch

The last thirty hours have been very challenging. I watched Trenton act like a drug addict having withdrawl last night. He had an enormous about of adrenaline running through his body.In the snap of a finger his face was flushed with rosier cheeks than Santa. He was running full speed into my body, grabbing my arm, rubbing his face up and down my arm, running a few laps around the inside of our house, running back up to me to rub his face on my arm, running up to the refrigerator licking every thing he could get his tongue on, taking out the ketchup bottle and squeezing ketchup all over the floor, dropping the ketchup bottle, running a few more laps, going back to the fridge trying to lick some more things, running up to me to rub his face up and down my body, picking up toys, throwing them across the room, running into his room  and licking his bedspread, grabbing his dresser and shaking it with so much strength that I thought he was going to pull his whole dresser over on himself, pushing Andrew down, squeezing Andrew's legs, squeezing my arm and rubbing his face on me again, running around the house, and completing these steps over and over and over. All the while his jaw is locked while he is hitting his leg with his right arm continuously, his body is trembling, and he has a look out of his eye as if he is a predator looking for his next victim. Oh and did I tell you that I am trying to manage this whole situation while doing the best I can to divert Andrew's attention off of Trenton, which was impossible. Plus, I was going on my 5th night of 3 hours or less of sleep and that sleep was like this....14 minutes here, awake for next 40 min, back to sleep for 20 minutes, awake for 30 min, etc. Sounds like fun right? Oh wait there is more.....

Trenton had a 4 hour wakeful period in the night. That wakeful period ends with a one hour autistic meltdown. Handling an autistic meltdown in the middle of the night when you are sleep deprived, stressed to the max about EVERYTHING in your life, is enough to send anyone to the looney bin. Thank goodness Andrew spent the night with Nana (Nana had to save the day again. The evening was so bad it was almost unsafe for Andrew to be in this household.) I am fairly confident that Trenton's meltdown would have woke him up and then I would have had one autistic meltdown and one toddler crying. Although the meltdown didn't wake Tim up, he slept through it all only a few feet away from where the meltdown was going on. I am not sure how he can sleep through these night time meltdowns. The meltdown literally shook the walls in our house.

Anyway, I was up like I always am handling a normal night time autistic episode that ends in a meltdown. Once again, I am mentally abused! It is mental abuse to watch and handle this day in and day out with no breaks! NO BREAKS!!  The only thing you can do when your child is having a meltdown is to watch, suffer from the mental abuse, pray, cry with him, and cry that no one is up going through this with me. Cry that  no one is checking on me to see if  I need anything or at least to offer a helping hand.

So how is that for your evening and night??? Not a relaxing one I tell you. Now just imagine that this is a fairly good example of what most of your evening and nights are like. Me, the mom, was there for every second of it. This is how my whole life  and how Trenton's how life is.

 Any minute I can I need to sleep! I blog to advocate for Trenton, to advocate for my family and for every family that lives with autism. That is one of the first things the doctors told us to do after his diagnosis was to advocate and educate. I am so mentally abused each day and each night. I am so sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation is not being tired! They are not even in the same ball park!!!!! This is why I want to educate people on what is going on with families who are raising a child with severe autism. It is not your typical American family who lives like the Huxtables. Far from it!!

I grab the bull by the horns. I grab that bull every minute of the day! It's my child, I should! I have no choice!
While on this journey I have learned many things! One of the things I have learned is that women are more mentally tough than most men. I have met some great special needs moms to say that without a doubt!  I am a mentally tough woman and I can say that without any doubt!

Psalm 28:7 
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped : therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth ; and with my song will I praise him.

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