I took Trenton to school on Thursday morning because I had my recheck at the doctor's office. Yes, I still didn't feel good so maybe I was more emotional than normal but I don't think so. While on my drive I looked in my rear view mirror at Trenton's precious face. In that moment, something just came in and flooded my body with emotions. He looked so PRECIOUS looking out the car window with his big, brown eyes on his pale face that was flushed with rosy cheeks. He had his winter coat zipped up to his chin and his Illinois Illini sock cap on while holding one of his favorite blankets made by Grandma Great. The next thing I know my mind is going 100 mph. I just keeping saying over and over in my head, "That is my son!! He is so beautiful. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE AUTISM!!!!!!!!! He is only three years old and he spends every day in school and therapy because he is severely disabled. My son!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Then I just started thinking about how its been almost two years of therapies now and our life revolves around therapy. I start asking myself, "Is this really my son's life? Is this my life???"
"Yes Angie it is. Wow! This is our life. I am so sorry Trenton. I AM SO SORRY!" I say repeatedly over and over in my head and then I tell Trenton over and over how sorry Mommy is that he has autism. I am crying while I pull up at his school. I get him out of the car, kiss his beautiful face and told him I would trade places with him if God would let me.
I will never forget that morning for as long as I live! I have had several moments like that one I just don't always share them. However, its important to share those moments from time to time. It's just a part of educating what special needs mommy's go through on some days.
The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful