Friday, March 21, 2014


Autism parents are warned that there is a chance you will forever be in the "newborn" stage of your child. What do I mean by this?
Well, your child could still be 14 years old and he might need Mommy to wipe his butt still. Your child might be 18 years old and still not able to communicate or talk. This leaves you constantly trying to figure out what he wants. Your child might be 20 years old and still does not sleep at night and run wild in your house destroying items because his brain simply can't help it.Therefore you are left living your life with sleepless nights forever.
Some parents are lucky enough to surpass the newborn stage with their child. Some parents surpass some areas but are left in the newborn stage in other areas. Unfortunately, some are left in the newborn stage in every area for the rest of their life. Autism families have no idea what the future holds for their child. Therefore, they spend every last penny they have and then some in order to hold on to that hope that through the strength of the Lord, your child can surpass the newborn stage.

We are still in the newborn stage in several areas. One of those areas come full force in time of sickness.  By Thursday evening Trenton was vomiting. He got fairly sick rather quickly. In four hours he vomited six times.

I remember when Trenton was 5 weeks old and was sick for the first time. I thought how awful it would be to be so young and have no idea why you feel so awful. I remember saying several times, "It's a good thing we don't remember being a baby. I can't imagine being so sick and not able to tell my mom where I feel sick at and not understand why I am sick." Unfortunately, when Trenton is sick, he is like a new born baby.  I can see the confused look in his eye after he throws up. I see the fear when he cries and cries because he is sick and doesn't understand why he is sick. I watch him cry, kick, and scream just like he did at 5 weeks old. If he were neurotypical I could simply tell him that he is sick but will feel better soon.He would be able to understand that.

I try to take every moment that I can and turn it into a teachable moment. I grab his communication device and I hit the "sick" button numerous times. I try to get him to hit it but he won't. Then I  showed him the body parts and tried to get him to hit what body part hurt. I did the sign language for "hurt" and "sick". Sadly, nothing worked.  I continued to comfort him and listen to his sounds. It was one of those moments when Trenton had sounds crying out of his mouth. He was really trying to talk. REALLY TRYING HARD!!! In his mind, he was telling me.  Sad to say, none of it was words to communicate to me with.

It really tore at my heartstrings last night. It was one of those moments that I really placed myself in Trenton's shoes. It was one of those moments that I really just thought about what it would be like to be Trenton. I think this all the time but not as deep as I did last night. It had been awhile since I have had the time to think that deep.(Remember.....I'm on survival mode.)

When he finally went to sleep around midnight, it was my turn to cry and kick. Although my cries were not the same reason as Trenton's. My tears were from the unbearable pain of watching my child suffer. My tears were wishing that I was the one with autism and not Trenton. My tears were because my prayer was so fervent and passionate that night.

He was much better today than Thursday evening and night. Let's hope the rest of the household does not get it next!

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