Friday, October 17, 2014

Dear Autism

Dear Autism,

You made me have one of the worst days yesterday. If I could take you and punch the living day lights out of you I would!! I have never in my wildest dreams have had such ill feelings in my life until you took over in my boys bodies!

A simple dental appointment should not be more stressful than my state teaching exams I took in college but it is! Way more stressful! A simple dental appointment should not make me sweat more than I did back in my high school basketball days! A simple dental appointment should not put the look of terror on my child's face. A look that is indescribable.

It took three adults to hold him down. He twisted, turned, and put his body in the most unimaginable positions trying to escape. Mommy could not say anything to calm him. It's as if I am not even around when he has this high of fear and anxiety.  Mommy has no role. He doesn't even want me to protect him. I am nothing when he is put into this type of situation. I SHOULD BE SOMETHING!!! I should be who he wants to run to. He should want me to protect him and hold his hand!!!

The screams and cries were as if he was being brutally and slowly murdered. The screams and cries started within three minutes of just simply walking into the dentist office.

He was so terrified he bit the dentist finger which then led the dentist to do an automatic reaction of pulling back his finger. However, he had a utensil in his hand which cut Trenton's lip. Once Trenton saw his blood...the scene went from  bad to worse.

However, it doesn't even stop there! Due to the fact that you left Trenton with severe sensory problems.....he can not tolerate brushing his teeth. Just  the simple act of brushing teeth feels like his mouth is being stabbed with knives over and over. Therefore, do you think it is a pleasant scene brushing his teeth? Heck no! Its a huge battle that I can never win. Unfortunately, he has some major teeth problems. Trenton will have to be put under to have his mouth worked on. His problem is not like Andrew's. Trenton's mouth problem is due to the lack of being able to brush his teeth properly. In fact, after we were done with the dentist, he looked at me and said, "Mom is it that bad every time you try to brush his teeth good?" I replied with, "yes". The dentist then praised me for even trying to brush his teeth. Trenton was the strongest 4 year old he has ever seen.

After the appointment, I had to listen to Trenton cry and fuss all the way to Salem. His body had enough of fussing and he fell asleep for the remainder of the trip home.  He kicked, swung his arms around, threw items across the van until he fell asleep. I was one stressed, tired, mad, angry at the world Momma!

Thus when we got home, he was so mad still, crying and upset. I thought for sure he could not be still angry about the dentist. I showed him his iPad and he hit the button for "school" and said, "school". He wanted to go to school and was upset that we were home. He knows his schedule and was mad that I had to cancel school for the dentist. He can't understand when I tell him that we have no school. He can't understand when I tell him he will go the next day....instead he just cries and screams. He is 4 years old.......he should not still be crying like a 4 month old not understanding everything.  You make Trenton's life miserable and mine autism! I will always fight against you to win back everything that I can in Trenton. I will succeed!!

As always,
A Warrior Mom

Trenton sucked on his blanket all the way home...
 until he eventually fell asleep

1 comment:

  1. Awww! You went through a rather intense ordeal there. I do admire you, though, for having the courage and constitution to keep on and provide that much needed care for your child. Dental visits tend to be a pain, but it is something that we should do for our oral health's continued wellness. Thanks for sharing that! Wishing you all the best!

    Coralie Tauber @ Houston Smile Docs