Monday, October 6, 2014

Freeze Time

Don't you ever wish you could freeze time? I know I do!! It's not because I don't want to get older. Instead, its simply the fact that I know what life has in store for  and I am just not ready for that.

About three-four weeks ago I saw two grown men with autism in a store with two women who appeared to be their care workers. I assumed that these two men lived in a home and they were out with two workers. I instantly felt pure grief and sick to my stomach. In fact, I thought I was going to have another panic attack. I couldn't get my eyes off of the two grown men who functioned at  the level of a child. They were clueless to what was going on around them...clueless to everything! The women who were taking care of them could have cared less about them. They had the worst attitude, frown on their faces, rude to the autistic men, and made it clear that they hate their job....which made me grieve and sick to my stomach even more.

Those two men were someone's baby!! They were toddlers running around at one time giving their mom anxiety and stress. They were someone's baby!!!!!!! Now they were two grown men who relied on whoever to take care of them....and the "whoevers" could have cared less.

It's times like this that makes me really want to freeze time. Its a reality check of what the future may hold. Its pain....pure pain!

A week or two after that, I had the pleasure of having lunch with some people that my mother got acquainted with since Trenton's diagnosis. This couple is in their 70s. They have a grown son with autism who is 40. This couple has been great to my mom and my family. I have met them once about a year ago. My mom shares emails with them and they have done a lot to reach out to us and support us and answer questions that we have had. They live a few hours from Flora. Anyway, they were traveling through town a few weeks ago and wanted to meet up for lunch. We met them at Burger King and brought the boys for them to meet. They also had their 40 year old son with them. Once again, it was pure pain and grief. I loved meeting their son and talking to him but it was hard! The pain in our eyes must have been every obvious that day because they emailed my mother a  few days after our lunch and said they noticed the pain in our eyes.

It is very different to see a 4 year old with autism than a 40 year old. The couple informed us that it pulls at their heart strings every day with wondering what will happen to their son after they pass away. All I have to say...when you have a child with severe autism that is a daily worry that you think about and worry every single day.....

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