I started my morning today like I wish I could every morning. I always have my alarm set from anywhere between 4:30-5:00 AM in hopes that both boys are sleeping and I can have some quiet time to myself before the storm arrives. Its a guarantee that no matter what happened through the night, one of them is up no later than 5:30 AM. During that hour that I hope to have, it is normally spent putting on my makeup, doing my hair, and getting breakfast prepared for the boys.
Today, I had the kind of morning that I am talking about! It felt amazing. Too often than none, I don't get the opportunity to have mornings like this because someone is already up. I felt so at ease making our normal breakfast which consist of scrambled eggs with melted cheese on top, toast, yogurt, and decaf coffee for Mommy. The house was quiet, the coffee smelled good, and my two precious boys were sleeping peacefully in their beds. I love when they are asleep early in the mornings. I love looking at their precious bodies sleeping so soundly. I often wonder what they are dreaming of. Does Trenton ever dream that he can talk? Does he ever dream that he has a body like ours?
During this time I feel like a normal mom!!! Two boys in bed while I make breakfast in peace. I'm not trying to pull Trenton off the stove or the countertops. I'm not running to stop a fight or to stop Trenton from smearing feces everywhere. I am just a normal mom during this time....making breakfast without autism.
Andrew woke up this morning before Trenton. I soon heard the oh so cute voice that he has saying, "Mommy. Mommy". I open his door and he immediately wanted in my arms. We went to the living room and rocked and cuddled. Mommy gave him lots and lots of kisses. We soon sat down at the table and enjoyed our breakfast together. While we were eating my emotions got the best of me and Mommy was in tears. I would say there were good and bad tears. Tears of joy because I love being a mother and having mornings like I did today. However, I know they were also tears of sadness because I hurt for my boys and our family that could have been.
I take great pride in my role as a mother. I love it!! It's the best gift that God gave women!! I wish I could do it many more times but I know that is not possible.
As I sat and enjoyed my time with Andrew this morning, I couldn't help but notice how he is just so big. I'm not sure what happened to my baby. Trenton grew up a lot from 3-4 so I know this is the last year of any bit of baby look that Andrew has left. It will be gone soon and it makes me sad.
Each and every day God gives us together is a true blessing!! Motherhood is a blessing even with autism!!! God is good!
My breakfast date this morning with Minnie Mouse, and Pluto sitting next to him:)