When I grew up, I remember the second I saw my mother on Mother's Day I would say, "Happy Mother's Day Mom!" I made sure that was the first thing I said to her that morning. I would always be so excited to give her the gift that I had either bought or made for her at school. As I got older, I always tried to put a lot of thought into her gift. I knew how much she did for me throughout the year and I always wanted to make her feel special on Mother's Day.
I have not met a mother yet who does not cherish Mother's Day. Every mom I know looks forward to what her children will get her and make for her. I anticipate the day that Trenton will wake me up in bed on Mother's Day and tell me how much he loves me while looking me in the eye. I dream about the day he will make me a homemade card because he wants to not because he was forced to. Inside the card I want to read, " I Love You Mom" and "Thank you for everything you do for me Mom." I want to hear him say, "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy. I love you."
One of my biggest fears is that I won't ever get to experience that kind of Mother's Day. To be honest, some days I fear that Andrew won't even be able to give me that kind of Mother's Day.
While most mothers have lunch and dinner made for them by their children....while most mothers are pampered by their children on that special day, I will always be the one pampering them. I will still be fighting the battles of autism. I will still be pulling my hair out trying to figure out what Trenton wants. I will still be chasing Trenton around the lunch table trying to get him to sit down for at least 30 seconds so I can force some food down myself. I will still go to bed with my usual uneasy feeling wondering if it will be another sleepless, reckless night.
While many mothers get to experience the mother/child functions at their child's school, work place, or church. I will, more than likely, never get to experience a mother/child Mother's Day function. Instead, we will continue our normal schedule as if we were never invited.
Many mothers may request a ring/necklace, day of pampering, or whatever floats her boat from her children. But, my list of wants is much simpler. I just want 30 seconds of eye contact. I just want to hear him say, "Mommy." I just want him to give me a good nights sleep. I just want him to not have a day of autism battles. I want to watch him play with other kids.
Oh how my heart breaks! However, through the pain and broken heart I do know how much I am blessed with. It doesn't matter if my Mother's Day is different than yours, I am still blessed. I have more than enough to be thankful for. Yes, my journey is not what I planned. So far nothing has went as how I planned but that is okay. I have two of the most amazing little boys that I get to call my sons! Because of them, I get to be a mother and that is more than enough to be thankful for!
As Mother's Day weekend is upon us, I hope each and every one of you has a fabulous day. To the autism moms out there, make the most of it!! Learn to dance in your rainstorm and you will be just fine:)
Here are some pictures from Mother's Day the past few years.
My first Mother's Day pregnant with Trenton! I was so happy in this picture! I could not wait to meet the little one that was going to call me, Mom!
Mother's Day 2011! Life was so good in this picture....no autism....and baby # 2 was on the way!