Unless you are a solider preparing for combat, you can't imagine what he/she feels like. Unless you are laying on your death bed dying of a terrible disease, you can't imagine what that feels like. Unless you have been a victim of abuse and torture, you can't imagine what that would feel like, let alone how you would behave and act afterwards. Unless you are an autism parent, you have no idea what it feels like and you have no idea what the parent goes through!!!!
I know how amazing it has felt when individuals have reached out to me and helped me when I needed it. I know what it feels like to hear, "Hey, I am thinking about you and praying for you." Sometimes just a simple gesture can mean so much when you live a life of complete chaos and stress. You do know that it has been said by professionals that autism parents has stress levels comparable to that of soldiers in combat! I don't know if that is true or not because I have never been in combat but I would have to say that I am sure it is fairly close. I will show you a video tonight of why I think that is a comparable statement. I should also say that I don't think every autism parent has that comparable stress. For instance, the boys father has never once dealt with the issues that I have. I am not saying this to run him down, I am just simply stating that he does not partake in the 24/7 care that I do for the boys. He drives a distance and works outside the home. I know in many households the fathers and mothers work as a team and both take turns with therapy, etc. However, many households are like ours where it is me.
The last two mornings have been HELL and that is putting it politely! Trenton has had OT and ST both mornings before Harsha. With that said, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings Mommy and boys were out the door by 7:30 AM. By 8:30 AM I felt like I had been beat to death by a stick! Both mornings I had a splitting headache by 9:00 AM and I could feel the thuds in my chest from my irregular heart beat....and I have not felt that in a long time!
Both mornings it took me a good 5 minutes to try to control Trenton so I could pick him up and just carry him out to the van after his therapy. He was screaming, jumping up and dropping to the floor, kicking and hitting his therapist and me. He would lay on the ground and roll over and over hitting and kicking. We all would try to get a hold of him to take him out to my van but he was so strong and forceful, I thought he would break my nose if he kicked or hit it just right.
Finally, after about 5 minutes both mornings, I was able to pick him up and carry him out the clinic. I have no doubt we were the most talked about situation in that clinic all week...if not all year! If someone didn't know who Trenton Conrad was that worked there before this week, well they know exactly who he is now. I am sure they all will just gringe when it is our morning to come in!
Andrew was really good this morning when me and two other women were trying to control Trenton and get him out of the building. However, on Tuesday morning, our disastrous situation could have even turned deadly. Andrew knew I was tied up with Trenton so he took off running out of the building and ran straight through a busy parking lot not looking at his surroundings. He was just running! I was yelling ,"Andrew. Stop. There are cars around." Oh no, he didn't stop or pay attention to me. Just another example that it is dangerous for me to care for the boys by myself at times! Oh how we miss living next to Nana. She realized all of this and always helped us!
The video I have posted in this post is an example of what my car rides are like with the boys. Only a mother or father of two boys on the autism spectrum can understand what I go through. This is a short one minute video but our whole 20 minute car ride after therapy was like this. Unfortunately, I am used to our car rides being like this. When we lived in Flora this is what I went through for two hours out of the day taking these boys to therapy. EVERY TIME IT WAS LIKE THIS!!!!!
I had to manage this type of behavior while driving while trying to watch for other traffic while trying to keep my own sanity while trying to keep the boys safe.
What would you do if you have dealt with this kind of behavior for a few years by yourself on the road all the time? And in the house all the time....And during the wee hours in the morning...and the list goes on and on and on and on. What would you do?
I know the video is the wrong way but just turn your head a little, it won't hurt you. I am too tired to turn the video around. Plus, I have a nice little spot in the van that I put my phone in to record so I guess my phone videos may start being this way from now on.
As always, I post videos and blog to educate and raise awareness! If my blog can help just one family, then it is worth it