Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dear Trenton

Happy 5th Birthday Trenton James!!

I can't believe you are five already. Where does the time go?!? It seems just like yesterday I finally pushed you out after 17 1/2 hours of labor.  Everyone told me when I was pregnant with you that my life was about to change forever and little did we all know how different my life was going to change.

I remember when they placed you in my arms I immediately counted your fingers and toes. I wanted to make sure you had them all! Then I looked at you and made sure you didn't have any peculiar features that might portray a disability.The thought never once crossed my mind that my first born child could have a hidden disability.

I didn't know at the time that on August 20, 2010 that I just gave birth to my hero. Yes, you are my hero Trenton.  Most often a person's hero is someone that helped them through a very difficult time or someone that a person looks up to. There are many reasons why a person chooses a specific person for their hero. Well, let me tell you why you are my hero....

You have taught me more than anyone in this world. Not only have you taught me about your disability but you have taught me how to be strong. You taught me how to look and find a person's soul. We all have a soul and it is deep, deep inside us. Too often than none, many people never see what is deep inside each of us but you have taught me how to find that!

You have showed me that actions are way more powerful than words. WAY MORE POWERFUL! You have taught me how cruel this world can be but at the same time how amazing this world can be too.
Because of you, I am more aware of others and their heartache. I was always a thoughtful person who always wanted to help others but you have made me realize how amazing it is to help others.

You have shown me what a true fighter goes through. You show me everyday what is the important things in life and its not Earthly materialist is simple daily things that I took for granted until you entered into my life.

You have shown me how to be truly appreciative of my blessings. You have made me realize that I took so many things for granted that I never thanked God for until you. I am a much better person because of you! I can name so many things on how you have helped me. My list would make for the longest blog post in history. However, you know them all already:) We have that kind of relationship don't we Trenton?!

As you can see, you are clearly my hero. I am one of the luckiest people in the world because very few people can say they gave birth to their hero.

You make me so proud every day. I used to ask God, "Why" but I don't anymore! Instead, I ask him how I got to be so lucky! I am one of the luckiest mothers in the world! Yes, our life is very difficult but the rewards outweighs the heartache. Yes, I still have my days where I do lots of crying but I always will! It is not tears of rage or madness. Instead, its tears of frustration because I simply want things to be easier for you.

I hope and pray that one day we can talk to each other. Oh Trenton won't that be amazing!! I think about talking with you and having a conversation with you and it gets me so excited! I do hope that we, through our hard work, can find your voice and we can talk to each other!

I look forward to the days that your eyes meet mine over and over! It is the most incredible feeling in the world when you look at me. Your eyes are such a powerful voice.  I know you will get better with that....I just know it!!!

I hope one day you can come with me to get groceries. I don't care if it is when you are 8 or 38! I look forward to walking down the aisles with you at the grocery store. I look forward to hearing you say, "Mom can we get this?" Won't that be amazing Trenton!!

I hope I can go to the movies with you one day like I did with your brother today. I have so many things that I look forward to doing with you Trenton! I just want you to know that I will never give up on you! We have so much to look forward to that I get goosebumps and tears just thinking about it all.

I think back to the past 5 years and everything that you and I have went through and to tell you the truth, I am not sure how we did it!!! The memories are both good and bad. I shed countless tears with you while you were having meltdowns at 2 AM. I cried a river all those nights when I cruised the country roads for hours on end. It doesn't matter how terrible we had it, you taught me how to survive. You showed me that I had no choice. You don't have a choice, therefore, I never give myself a choice.  See how amazing you are Trenton!!

If I want you to remember something on your 5th birthday, it is how amazing you are! Words can't describe how truly amazing you are.  You make me so proud every single day! I am so proud to be your Mommy! When I am with you, I hang my head high! When I am with you in public and you have a hard time, I still hang my head high! I am could not be any happier walking this journey with you! I am so glad I got to be your mother. God knew what he was doing when he put us together:)

Keep up the good fight Trenton!!We are making a difference in the lives of others together. God chose us for this journey in life and we are making the best of it! I am so proud of you and so honored to call you my son!

Mommy love you so much T-man!
Always and forever



  2. Happy Birthday, Trenton! seems so old!!!

    P.S. The fourth photo down is my absolute favorite of Trenton.