Sunday, August 30, 2015


I had lunch with two autism parents the other day. One of them said, " I cry almost every day." Did I want to hear those words out of another autism moms mouth? No, but just that one sentence made me feel not so alone.  It is hard to live a life where the only people that "understand" are the people in the world raising a child with autism.

Rough doesn't even explain how it has been lately. When a body doesn't get the sleep that it needs, it is beyond rough. No word can explain how bad it truly is.  Nothing can explain how terrible it is to see your child suffer daily. I am the one that sees the tiredness in his eyes at 1 AM when he can't sleep. I am the one that sees his frustrations and how terrible his night time meltdowns are when he can't sleep. On 50 % of his sleepless nights he wants to sleep but his body won't let him.

After another night of my head not even hitting a pillow, I had to have help. I don't think it could have got any worse Friday night. Friday night might just be one of the worst nights I have went through and believe me, I have had my fair share of hellish nights. Both boys were up all night. Andrew was up every hour on the hour crying and Trenton was wound and not sleeping. Andrew was angry because Trenton was up and he was loud. I could not get Trenton to be quiet and it made Andrew more angry. Therefore, Andrew was not going to sleep until Trenton calmed down. That was the scene of my night the entire night on Friday. I knew by Saturday morning I needed much needed help to survive. Daddy was in Chicago over the weekend with some friends so I had Nana come spend the weekend with me. We survived the weekend. It was so nice to have someone go to church with me too! Since I was able to walk into church with another adult, Trenton was able to go to kids church. Our church experience today was the best it has been in Terre Haute for a few months. Sadly, it is getting impossible for me to take both boys to church by myself anymore. This has been very upsetting to me lately. VERY!

After lunch, I felt brave and decided to take the boys to the park with Nana. It has been awhile since Trenton has been to a park for the mere reason that he just wants to run away. Today was no different. He played on the playground for 8 minutes and then he just took off running not even making sure anyone was with him. I took off running with him. The only thing he wanted to do was to run straight for the river. When I would not let him go to the river he had a meltdown throwing himself down on the the middle of the name it...he was having a meltdown. Therefore, we had to go.

 Andrew was upset and did not want to leave the park so we promised him a banana split. Trenton lasted outside at a table for about 5-10 minutes at the Dairy Queen before he started having a tantrum. With that said, Trenton and I went to the van and waited for Andrew to finish his banana split.

Nana didn't have to come for the weekend but she knows how hard it is. We really appreciated the extra person around the house the last few days. Like I have said before, things would be easier for everyone if we got sleep at night!

1 Corinthians 16:13

 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

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