It has been a really good labor day weekend! Andrew got to enjoy the fair on Saturday and Trenton enjoyed a quiet day. Trenton can only handle a certain amount of Andrew. On most days Andrew is very loud, needy, and talks non-stop! It is not always appropriate conversation. Andrew will ask you the same thing 20 times in a row even after you have already answered him. Sometimes Andrew simply informs us on the same thing over and over even after we acknowledge him and so forth. So I am quite positive Trenton enjoyed his time away from Andrew on Saturday.
Sunday was another great day! We went to church with Nana and Pops. Church went really smooth. It is more than likely to go smooth when I walk in with help. I refuse to not go to church and refuse to choose which child to take to church. So I guess if we have to drive to Flora more often so we can go to church, we will!
After a great two days, Trenton had a change in behavior today. Trenton can be in a great mood and have his mood change in the blink of an eye. Trenton has the capability of producing very aggressive, dangerous behavior as he gets older. The older he gets, the stronger and worse his episodes are when they occur.
I know and can tell when he is on the verge of having one. I can tell by his mood if it is a day where he can snap if the slightest thing goes wrong which is why I am on edge all day doing whatever I can to prevent a dangerous episode. To some it may appear that I panic if I hear Trenton starting to produce his "upset noises" from his body on days that I can tell that he is capable of one of these episodes. Well, let me tell you something...it is not "panic" but instead its simply trying to do whatever I need to in order to prevent his dangerous meltdowns from happening because he gets very close to seriously injuring himself. Today was the third time that he has ran his hands and arms through glass.....and I mean shattering the glass without a serious cut. Today, he got the closest he has ever got to a serious cut. I shutter to think what an ER experience with Trenton would be. I have had an ER experience with him but its been when he was running a high fever and really sick....not with blood flowing everywhere....or any injury that causes a lot of pain. It gives me chills even thinking about it. So yes...call it panic...call it whatever the heck you want but yes I react to him quickly because it is life or death!
Due to his disability, Trenton is not capable of learning from his experiences. Tonight, he almost did it again after doing it this morning! He was mad and kept on running his body full force in the wall. Then he would run with his arms straight out into the wall. He did this about one inch from the window tonight. If he was one inch farther to the right he would have ran his arms through a window. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you are right there or in the next room...he is quick and knows how to fight away from a person.
What is it going to be like when he is a few years older? What will it be like when he is a grown man? I hope and pray that he can get this under control in his life before he gets to be too strong.
Tonight I have done a lot of thinking about my life since Trenton's autism came shining through. The past 5 years of my life flashed through my mind today. What sticks out the most is the days I drove around the clock 24/7. I lived in my Hyundai Tuscon. I did more country late night cruising than I did as a teenager growing up. It is a wonder that something serious never happened then. I remember all too well waking Tim up every night and telling him I was going on the roads to drive...Most of the time he heard me and plopped his head right back on his pillow. I would pray that nothing bad happened and that we wouldn't meet a drunk driver and get in a wreck because I was afraid no one was awake to know that we would be missing. I was driving on no sleep from midnight to 4 AM every night drinking coffee trying to get Trenton to calm down and to fall asleep. Thank goodness Andrew was a good sleeper during this period because their father is a very deep sleeper and I was out of the house a lot in the night.
The next phase that sticks out is all the driving I did daily to and from different towns to get the boys help. Boy oh boy those car rides were hell!!! Then its all the late night tantrums, meltdowns, and hyper behavior that I have dealt with in the night. Oh how my list goes from one thing to another. The past five years have been the most challenging of my life but the most rewarding at the same time. Unfortunately, we do not have a ticket to a better life waiting for us in a few years. Autism is here to stay. It is a life long disability. It is always there...the challenges are always there and unfortunately it doesn't always get better but instead gets more challenging.