Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The other role I always dreamed about

I always looked forward to being a wife and mother one day. In fact, I am certain I was talking about it way before most of my friends. Another "role" that I was looking forward to becoming was an aunt. I remember being called "aunt" for the first time and I just thought it was the coolest thing ever! I remember taking out my future niece and nephew one night with my ex-husband but at the time he was my finance. I suggested it because I just couldn't wait to do fun things with my future niece and nephew. I thought for sure that was the beginning of a fun "aunt" role.

I remember the day when my ex-sister in law was having her first son. I was beyond excited and couldn't get my husband at the time to get to the hospital soon enough. Again, I was so excited to be an aunt.I remember the excitement I felt for each nephews birth and how excited I was to meet them. Then life changed.

I had my own children but that is not what changed about my "aunt" role. Autism entered in soon after the birth of my oldest son. I soon was a sleep deprived, grieving mother who didn't have enough time in the day for my own child with autism nor myself.  Next, came the birth of my other son and then the birth of more nephews. Every time we were able to be around family, I couldn't enjoy my family. I was the one chasing around Trenton trying to control him and to keep him happy so an autistic meltdown wouldn't happen. This is the way it is still when I am around family.

So, how do I get to enjoy the "aunt" role in life?!?!?!? I still haven't found that answer. Trenton's autism is severe and he is 24/7 care. I can't tell Trenton to just "play" with his cousins so I can enjoy family. He needs someone around him every minute. As he gets older, he relies on me even more. As Andrew gets older, I am his security with his autism traits and really thrives off of having me close by to help him socialize correctly, etc. Therefore, there is no time to enjoy my cute nephews.

For the first time since autism entered my life almost 6 years ago, I had a day where I enjoyed being an aunt. My nephew, Lincoln, came to our town and went to VBS with Andrew. Nana ended up having to stay home with Trenton. However, I had the time of my life taking Andrew and Lincoln to VBS. I felt for the first time, the joys of being the"aunt" that I always wanted to be.

Before I had my children, I day dreamed about taking my boys, nieces, and nephews out to eat, or to have them all over to play together while I cooked them food...even daydreamed about fun summer days at the pool, etc.
The roles I wanted to be for so long, didn't turn out at all like I had imagined. Nonetheless, that is okay. God had better and bigger plans for me. Even though I have accepted the life God granted me still doesn't mean I don't wish I could be a better aunt, it just means I am making the most of what I have been given.
 He had plans I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be doing or living but I am. It is one amazing ride. Thank you God for knowing better than me what I needed in life.

The Batmans and I had a blast together. Andew was so sad when he had to go to VBS all by himself tonight. There are a few people that make Andrew cry when he has to say good-bye to and Lincoln is one of those special people.

1 comment:

  1. Those two little Batmans packed a lot of fun in two days!