I often don't post enough of the heartache and troubles that come along with raising a child who is unable to talk much. Trenton has got great at saying, "juice" when he wants juice....or "chips" when he wants chips....or "chicken" when he wants chicken nuggets. I am so thankful and grateful that we have achieved that because it wasn't but just two years ago that he was still holding my hand and taking me into the kitchen and throwing my hand to the fridge and expecting me to read his mind. Wow...have we ever came a long way! I am so blessed and forever grateful to the good Lord for answering prayers and giving this blessing to Trenton.
However, aside from that, it is still a huge daily struggle to figure out everything else. The other morning Trenton cried for a little over one hour without stopping. It was not a meltdown. It was not a tantrum. It was just constant tears. He couldn't tell me what was wrong. It is always a huge guessing game as to what is making him cry. Of course I ask him the same questions over and over as if he can speak back, "What is wrong Trenton?" "Does something hurt?" "Do you want a dvd?" "Does your tummy hurt?" and many more questions.
The hurt I feel watching him just cry and unable to tell me what is wrong is a hurt that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. No mother wants to see their child hurt or struggle. When there is not the ability to communicate, it is the worst! I just can't even begin to fathom what it is like for Trenton. It is hard enough for me to watch him struggle and to not be able to help him. I just can't imagine being him.
A great fear of mine is that he has something terribly wrong with him and he can't tell me. For example, what if he had appendicitis one day? I've been down the road of having him extremely ill with earaches for a week before I took him to the doctor but what if it was something much bigger and worse? Not only is his pain tolerance much different than the normal persons (he can handle a lot of pain!) but he can't communicate to me!
He doesn't say "potty" if he needs to go to the restroom. Therefore, if we are out in public and he needs to potty, he just pees his pants. His anxiety and sensory overload takes over and there is no words that come out of him while we are in public. Again, I can't imagine having to pee and not being able to tell my mom that I have to go.
The list could go on forever. I am sure a lot of them you haven't even thought of but I have because I experience them almost daily. The hurt and pain of raising a child who is unable to communicate is real. It's a pain that won't ever go away especially as time keeps on going and he keeps on getting older, the likelihood that he will be able to do these things are diminishing which is why early intervention is the key folks! There is such a small opportunity to work with kids on the spectrum to help reach these major milestones.