Sunday, December 4, 2016

15 Steps Back

So, I've been on a break from blogging for while now. I still don't intend to blog as much as I did before. However,  I do plan on posting here and there for our fantastic, loyal supporters:)

You can basically say I have been on this journey of autism for almost 6.5 years. Trenton is almost 6 1/2 years old and was a difficult baby from the beginning and I always had to do things for him that went against the "typical" parenting of a baby/toddler/child.

When all you know is one certain way, you get accustomed to it. It is your normal! For example, I don't know what a normal 6 1/2 years old child does. I don't really think about it but when I am with typical children Trenton's age, I am flabbergasted! Sometimes it feels like I get suddenly slapped in the face with a reality check.

Wowsers!So that is what life could be like? And I thought things have been good for me the past year?!?! WOW!!...words like that get tossed around in my head.

When a parent of a child with autism says, "It's a roller coaster ride."...well please believe them because it is! You can be going up with everything and feel like you are on top of the world and then you suddenly drop all the way to the bottom and everything that you have worked so hard to achieve takes a huge nosedive. It's like going five steps forward and you wake up one day and you are 15 steps behind where you were the day before. When you wake up fifteen steps back you realize it is not just your child's disability that has brought you where you are, its also other life situations....other situations that arise such as your own personal health that has taken a decline and the answers you get told over and over from the doctors are, "Stress has caused this. Prolong stress takes a toll on every body organ when it is continual stress.  It's the stress that is aging you. It's the stress that is making ________ happen."
 All I have to say back is...it has been over six years of sacrifice and taking care of dependent 24/7 that will always be a dependent....how do I get away from stress?!?! Oh and I am a single mother of another child too...the stress...it's always there because I want their life better!

Also, on that day you woke up fifteen steps behind where you were, you also find out that certain people come into your life and then they run away quicker than they entered because of the trials.

Trials. That is what life is about. Some have more in life than others. Some peoples trials are quick and then they are healed and moved on with life. Some are life changing trials. Some life changing trials happen later in life and some happen early in life. Some trials are so hard for others to even fathom.

God's plans are not always our plans. They seem confusing, disappointing, and frustrating to some at times. But God's plans are always better, always bigger, always longer-lasting. God wants to see what is in our hearts. Understanding God's plan takes time. It doesn't happen over night. I have been praying and trying to understand God's plan for the boys and I for a long time ago. I have no doubt God picked me for this role in life because he knew I wouldn't give up. He knew I would sacrifice every square inch of everything I got for T-man. Sacrifice....it's what Godly people have to do. Sacrifice is what we have to do to get the bigger and better gift in the end. 

Our life isn't really our life. It's God's life to us. It's the role he chose for us to live in this beautiful world that he created. Therefore, it doesn't matter how many steps back in our life we take from time to time. The trials are never-ending and they will always be there for some people. It is part of the rollercoaster ride.

I find myself wondering at times what kind of person I would be if it wasn't for the trials. I truly do believe that everyone is faced with a trial in their life to test their character...to test their heart. God loves our hearts more than he loves anything else about us. I wonder if I passed up on trials earlier in my life? HMMM....makes me think.....

All in all, its been a rough patch and I choose to keep it to myself on the specifics. Trenton went to the doctor last week so hopefully we are on the road to getting him what he needs because that is what it is all about....Trenton...he is the one with the real big trials. It is all about T-man!!

In case you missed our smiling faces...here ya go! We still know how to smile behind our trials because we have God on our side. He helps us through and has led us to some amazing places so far on our journey. I am looking forward to see what the good Lord has in store for us in the future.




No comments:

Post a Comment