Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Reindeer

The daily struggles of a child who can't communicate is very hard, emotionally draining, and heartbreaking. It is hard on everyone who lives in the house and lives the journey daily.

The other day Trenton kept taking me by my hand and leading me all over the house saying what sounded like "bear". I figured he was looking for one of his "bear "animals. I looked and looked all over the house and I couldn't find a "bear"animal that he wanted.  Therefore, I kept wondering if my mind was on the right track. Did he want a stuffed bear animal? Did he want one of his figurine bear animals or one of his wooden bear figures? Did he want me to cut out bear animals from a coloring book (He likes to cut out animal figures from an animal coloring book.) I just kept trying to rack my brain on what kind of bear he wanted. Sadly, we worked on this all morning and I could never figure it out.

He led me by my hand all over our house. I occasionally stopped him and looked him in his eyes and told him over and over, "Trenton I don't know what or where the bear is that you want." Thankfully, he never once had a meltdown or tantrum and that behavior is very likely of him. Instead he just looked at me with the saddest look on his face and kept leading me around the house saying bear.

When  I got in my van that afternoon I saw one of Trenton's animals in the van and it wasn't a bear, it was a reindeer which he calls deer. I sat in the drivers seat of the van, picked up his "deer" and my eyes filled up with tears. I knew instantly that he was saying "deer" and not "bear". How terrible it must feel to be Trenton and not able to elaborate what he wants. I am very thankful that he is able to say a single word like deer. However, we are a very long way, if ever, of him being able to describe what he wants such as "my stuffed deer animal".

As a mother I felt terrible. I should have figured it out after awhile that maybe it was his deer he was wanting after not one bear was making him happy.  I felt terrible that my child has to live his entire life like this every single day. Every single day he isn't able to communicate what he wants or needs. I just can't fathom! I know how frustrating and sad I get trying to figure it out, I just can't imagine what it is like to be him.

This isn't the first time where something like this happened and it wont' be the last. I witness and am a part of these kinds of struggles and challenges every single day. As I have mentioned before, living and taking care of a dependent 24/7 and someone who will always be a dependent is an eye opener. Watching Trenton struggle sure has made me realize how thankful and blessed I am in my life. I think we all have taken so much for granted in our lives. Many continue to do so until the day they die. I am very thankful that l have allowed my boys to show me and teach me about the true meaning of life's blessings and to never take one moment for granted.



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