Tuesday, January 3, 2017

If I Could



If I could only go back and have one more holiday season where I went to a family gathering and actually ate a full plate of food while sitting and enjoying a conversation with others.

If I could only go back and have one more holiday season where I enjoyed watching loved ones open presents.

If I could only go back and enjoy the family gatherings where we would sit and play cards all afternoon and listen to nothing but laughter from loved ones.

If I could only have one more night where I could lay my head down on my pillow without any worry of how much sleep my child will let me get that night.

If I could have one more day where I didn't feel isolated from the world that I once knew.

If I could just have one day without the loneliness feeling that autism has brought to my family.

If I could have just one more day without the dreaded thought of "what if something happens to me."

If I could have just one more day without the constant stress from raising a child with autism.

If I could have just one more day where routine and schedule didn't matter.

If I could have one more day of walking into a restaurant or store without the stress that we have now.

If I could have one more day without the worry of when the meltdown will hit or when the sensory overload will hit.

If I could have one more day where I was never judged for my actions.

If I could have one more day where I was able to sit on the couch and actually watch TV or my favorite sports team play.

If I could have one more time where I was able to attend a public outing without the worries that I have now.

If I could have one more day where I could step outside of my house and enjoy the neighborhood that I live in and mingle with my neighbors.

If I could have one more day to walk around my house without being locked in it like a prisoner.

If I could have one more day where I didn't know the trials of autism.

If I could have one more day of the carefree life that I once had.

If I could....I would never take for granted what I did in my life before autism. I can think of many "If I could" moments in my life. However, the life I have now is better....much more stressful but much more meaningful than it was before.



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