Wednesday, September 4, 2013


Today Trenton met with a specialist at Olney in the Speech Language Department. This lady from what I gathered came to help guide the therapist in which direction to go with all their children with autism that come into the clinic. The information I received was nothing I didn't already know or have been told before. She was impressed with the large vocabulary that Trenton has or at least attempts to say. She noted that it will be difficult to get Trenton to cross over and use his speech functionally and not just say the names of objects while in therapy. This will be the huge key factor with Trenton...whether or not he will be able to use speech in a functional manner. She told his therapist to focus on getting him to try to put two words or two attempts at words together.

School seems to be going as good as it can be. Both days this week he has been upset when I dropped him off. Today he was crying loudly but he seems to know that he has to stay and participate so he adjusts and goes with the flow.
No one knows their child like their mother does. I have to say, everyday I pick him up I see the stress of his anxiety in his eyes. For the 30 minutes following school he chews like crazy on his chewies and squeals. These are two ways he deals with anxiety.
Just would be like dropping you off at China. You don't understand every word people are saying to you, noises coming at you from all angles, no family member is with you, so what do you do??? Just like Trenton does....go with the flow. I am sure he feels like this.

Overall, Trenton is adjusting to his new schedule. Every day I pick him up from school and we travel to Effingham or Olney immediately for therapy. Trenton participates in therapy and then we come home for him to actually just relax and try to be a regular three year old. Although by this time, it is already two o'clock or after depending on the day.

Trenton is still not sleeping good. He is either awake for the day around 2:30 AM or wakes up in the night from 12ish to 4ish. I REALLY don't want to add this new medicine on his load of medicines and supplements but I am afraid he isn't giving me a choice. I am still going to wait a week.

It is very difficult to explain what it feels like to have a child with special needs...especially autism. There are no days without heartache and no days without tears. No days without wishing things were different and no days without some type of anger and sadness. The other day I witnessed Trenton in an environment where he had the opportunity to play with other children. What did Trenton do?He  ran and cried from them. He eventually stood and stared at them for a few minutes and then turned his back to them. This hits a mother right in the gut!! It was pure torture to watch your child do this. I kept wondering.....What was Trenton thinking? Was he wishing he was like them? Was he wanting to play with them but his brain won't let him?   Honestly, he looked like he had no concept of what the children were doing.  It was torture for him to be in that environment.

No one ever thinks it will happen to them. I never thought my child would be the one that they all stared at and talked about. I never though my child would be the one standing in a corner upset because other people and kids are around him. I never thought I would have to stop the life I knew and start living a new life of special needs. I never thought I would be a mother who will have to face the fact that one day, more than likely, your child will have to live in a home so people can take care of him. My "I nevers" could go on and on. So yes it can happen to you. Anything can happen to any of us!

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