Approximately 50% of the time, I watch Trenton cry for an extended period of time before he falls asleep. Sometimes his tears can be during a meltdown. The meltdown is usually caused from Trenton being frustrated with his body and sensory problems. The meltdown can also be caused out of frustration of not being able to fall asleep.
Other times, his tears are sad, quiet tears. Both types of tears are heartbreaking to watch. These tears last for a few hours as well. I'm not sure which type of tears are harder to watch. Both are gut wrenching for a parent to have to watch their child go through. I am fairly certain that his sad, quiet tears are from being mad with the fact that he can't fall asleep. It takes lots of time for Trenton to fall asleep.
Not only is it gut wrenching to watch but it is very mentally draining. No parent likes to watch their child suffer with anything. We want to make things right for our children. We want to make things better for our children when they are enduring hard times. We want nothing but the best for our children. Every single night I am reminded that I can't make it better for Trenton. Trenton and I are reminded every single night just how rough life is.
It is one thing to watch your child suffer and cry when they can communicate. When Andrew is frustrated with his challenges he can talk to me. I know that he is understanding what I am saying. With Trenton's inability to talk back to me to let me know he understands what I am saying just makes it extremely harder....It makes the challenge and the mental pain excruciating.
I am very grateful and thankful for the other 50% of the time when I don't have to watch Trenton's meltdowns and sad tears. It is amazing to me how different his nights can be.
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him