Wednesday, June 15, 2016

A whole new world

As a kid, I could not have asked for a better life.  I loved living in the small town on a farm. I even liked the smell of pig manure. I know…crazy! I guess that is just how much of a country girl I was. In fact, I was a tomboy who loved to get dirty, sweat, play sports, keep up with my brothers, take care of my animals, and participate in any other good old fashion activity you can name. I would have even drove a tractor if my dad would have let meL

Then came my high school years and they were full of sports, dances, small town Friday nights of dragging main street, and so forth. I was that girl that was student body president, Sweetheart queen, one of the top athletes of my class, yet the girl that was nice to everyone and made sure everyone was nice to everyone.

After high school came my college and young adult days. They were mostly care-free days but I had my fair share of challenges and health problems. I learned along the way, dated a few of the wrong guys, took advantage of living life with no worries yet I remained grounded in my faith and always carried my strength through God. Before you knew it, I was walking down the aisle in a white dress marrying someone who I thought was committing himself to me for the rest of my life. Little did I know that it was the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life.

After chugging along in my new chapter in life that brought me two children with special needs and a divorce, I have learned more the last seven years than the whole previous twenty eight years before.

To be perfectly honest, the list of what I learned could go on forever. However, the one thing that could sum it all up in nutshell is the pure fact that my new chapter opened up my eyes. In my pre-autism days I thought I was a thoughtful person and I was but my compassion and empathy for others are looked at on a whole different level now.  I don’t think one can be on that level unless they go through some life changing heartaches in life. The true act of appreciation is measured beyond words for me now. I see things differently and always will. I know what it is like to live a life and then to have that life taken away by a life changing disability.  I know what it is like to raise kids who fight the hardest of battles daily. When you walk in those shoes, you are a changed person yet a much better person who is the definition of appreciation.

I am physically the same person before my new chapter started.  In my pre-autism days I didn’t have two dependent children with special needs that needed me 24/7. Now I do. With that said, my priorities are different. I have been forced to change for my two little blessings that call me mom.

I wonder what I would have said if someone told me then what I would have went through and still go through daily now. Would I have believed them? I don’t know.

Deep down I am still the small town, country girl. I still have that loud, boisterous laugh.  I just don’t have an opportunity right now to be that person. Will I ever be that person again who gets to sit at a baseball stadium and watch my favorite team without the worries that I have now? That is a question that is yet to be answered. However, what I do know is that I have my world in the palm of my hands and it is all I need. Their names are Trenton and Andrew. Yes, they have special needs. Yes, it is a whole different life than I had before. However, God knew what I needed and what I could handle.  He led me to this life and it is my decision to embrace it and see what good we can make out of it or run from it.  I am embracing it and going above and beyond daily for the boys.

  My whole world is my boys, their autism challenges, and a life spent on helping them to be the best that they can be.

It is a whole new world that’s for sure! I am bound and determined to make our new world the best that I can. It comes with daily tears, struggles, and heartache. But it is ours and I am proud of it!

I was pregnant with Trenton in this picture. Little did I know then that I was carrying the beginning of my new world inside me:)

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